Drive-in Splatter House
This was a wired one for me. I feel like this movie has the tools and the talent to be far far more better than it actually is. I don’t quite understand why it falls so short. I understand a movie not being able to turn itself up to 11 because of budget restraints, but it seemed like this movie was purposely turning itself down to zero.
Feeling like some sort of soft-porn parody to Grindhouse, it falls short on the porn part greatly. the Effort is excellent in it’s attempts to give us the Grindhouse experience, starting off with a series of fake trailers to movies that don’t exist, then instead of a double bill, it’s more of a series of short film, each on starting one of porn production company, Adam & EVE, best talents.
It sounds like a fabulous idea, but it does fall a little short. Maybe if you are a huge fan of Adam & Eve stars like Teagan Presley (the only one on the list I know by name and scene it something else), you don’t car how little T&A is actually in these shorts, which is a little ironic considering what made these women famous enough to put this shit together.
It’s like they are showing me a porno film on prime time TV and taking out all the hardocre scenes so they can air it (which makes sense for it’s short running time of a little over an hour). It’s like as soon as a porn scene is about to begin a second later it’s all over. They did not even try to chop up some of the sex scenes so we can see them. Like their passing over cable to go to Network Tv or something, which makes no sense at all because I’m streaming this on amazon prime.
But the like of porn star doing porn is the least of the worries of the film. Everything lacks not just the part we known the company to be good for (it’s just lame that that part was so lacking). Their attempts to pay homage to the grindhouse cinema is too similar to their treatment of the porn parts. I could understand if they falsely lored us in with the porn part in order to showcase their love of the Grindhouse, but I’ll put it bluntly. Their efforts left me with my dick in my hand with nothing to show for it.
In retrospect, the whole event asks like a teaser trailer, It gets me all hot and heavy with nothing to show for it.
I hoping that the Amazon Prime version of this is just that a teaser tailor and their is something far better I can get at a porn shop.
